Goals, Shmoals

As I contemplate the new year ahead, there’s a word I’m suddenly finding disempowering, and it’s surprises even me! It’s the word that so many of us think of around this time of year, too – as one calendar closes and a new one opens. The word? GOAL.

I know, I know, I’m an Executive and Career Transition coach and I just admitted something seemingly sacrilegious within my field. Heck, I’ve written content on how to craft goals that draw us in with excitement and motivation. Yet, this year, the idea of pushing a list of goals into the world isn’t really inspiring me in any way, shape or form. If you’re like me, or many of my clients who’ve worked within a corporate setting, you too might find yourself having a visceral reaction to the word “GOAL.” Maybe you’re experiencing that funny feeling right now, at the mere mention of word! You know the one…

Yes, My Humanity Transcends My Title

As I’ve seen with so many of my courageous clients, friends and family members, transformation almost always happens when we do our best to neutrally grasp what’s happening, while also taking full ownership to accept our own emotions, even the painful ones.

So, for what it’s worth, below is a list of some of my most painful emotions, released out of the proverbial bag. I’m going to acknowledge them first, and then seek guidance from their intelligence, rather than continue to allow them to hold me back. There’s always a solution on the other side of our problems – challenges and possibilities exist on two sides of the exact same coin.

Despite What Your Guru Says... Higher consciousness is not without problems

Here’s my question – since when did the existence of problems become… well… such a problem?

Sometimes we humans really do feel drained by our circumstances, and pretending this isn’t the case is often the root of much bigger problems.

Sometimes we do experience difficulties, and when we refuse to acknowledge them, they just get heavier and more burdensome.

It seems to me that only when we face our perceived problems, we give ourselves the chance to get the most wildly creative. And, if we could just allow problems to exist without ignoring, avoiding, or judging them, then perhaps they’d become less perpetuating, and more opportunistic.

Nina CashmanJuly 13, 2021#paveyourway, #careertransition, #lifetransition, #careercoaching, #change, #thebigshiftComment

Are You Falling For These Cliche Traps?

Career Coaching, Leadership Development, Life Coaching, Personal GrowthNina CashmanNovember 30, 2020#careertransition, #careercoaching, #paveyourway, #pavechallenge Comments

Regeneration in a Changing World: How the breakdown of old systems can lead to better lives.

A little over a year ago, I was hiking my favorite trail in the mountains with our two young boys and our great family friends in one of Colorado’s national forests – it had literally burned to the ground the year before. I remember how awe-struck I was by the burnt landscape’s polarizing beauty. The bright bold colors of scattered wildflowers burst like fireworks amidst their charcoal black surroundings. Even more stunning than the scenery itself was the site of our four small children, laughing and playing amidst the charred trees – the makeup of an inaccessible space, only one year prior.

As I snapped a photo, which is now the header image to this article, I couldn’t help but notice its poetic symbolism. The word “regeneration” instantly came to my mind, as I looked down to view the visual – “hmm” I thought, “isn’t this one of life’s simple truths?”

Finding Our Purpose Within Challenge

We’ve all heard it before – “follow your passion,” and “your values will guide you towards your purpose.” This guidance works really well when life’s circumstances are optimal, or at minimum, functional. You know, the times in life when our outlook is constructive, our actions feel effortless, and most things are humming along pretty easily. These are the ideal times in life when we feel the strongest, most capable and creative – when finding areas of passion and connecting with values not only makes sense – it can be fun!

There are also those other times; you know the ones – the inevitable tougher times. These periods stimulate a more critical outlook, when our actions feel restrained or forced, and we generally feel less capable of connecting with ideals and possibilities. In fact, we may not even believe they exist. Most of us would rather pledge immunity to these times – we certainly aren’t broadcasting about them on our social media channels. Yet, all of us are familiar with the ups and downs of joy and pain, and we often ride these currents the most during periods of career or life transition.

When You Appreciate The Good, The Good Appreciates:

I’ve noticed something really interesting over the last several months. It has to do with the energy, time and motivation I have for people who are appreciative. Now, while this may sound like an extremely obvious idea, which perhaps has taken me forty years too long to grasp, I’ve also noticed that many of us have a tendency to place far too much attention on people and activities that just don’t appreciate.

Note the duel meaning here; by appreciation, I’m talking about both an expression of recognition and gratitude, as well as an increase in value. As founder of the Happiness Studies Academy, former Harvard Professor in Positive Psychology and author of the book Happier, Tal Ben Shahar states, “when you appreciate the good, the good appreciates.”

So, what does it mean to “appreciate the good”? Is it as simple as passively taking note of the things that make us grateful, and perhaps even stating them out loud, and writing them down for ourselves? Or, could more be done in the form of appreciation? Is it possible that more of the finer things in life could appreciate, like love, deep friendships, rich conversation, success, wealth and overall life satisfaction, if we took more time to actively express our appreciation of others?

Why Bother To 'Fake It' When You Can Actually Just 'Make It?

Fake it ‘til you make it: an old adage, which, in my opinion, is incredibly overused and all too often misunderstood.

While the saying is described by Wikipedia as, “an aphorism which suggests that by imitating confidence, competence, and an optimistic mindset, a person can realize those qualities in their real life,” it seems as though the concept fails to fully consider one critical precursor, namely, the very question it begs: How is one supposed to genuinely acquire confidence, competence and an optimistic mindset in the first place?

I’m talking about authentic confidence -- competence and optimism that drives purposeful actions and meaning. This sort of authenticity is not easily replaced with disingenuous behavior. After all, what is so terrible about transparently accepting where we are with full ownership while working toward becoming something better? The more honest we are about ourselves and where we are developmentally, the more we stand to receive opportunities that will help us progress further from where we are.

So, fake it until you make it? Who needs it when we can, instead, work towards a mindset of just "make it, so you never have to fake it?" Here are a few pointers to help us do just that:

7 Ways Being Your Own Mom Will Benefit You

In anticipation of Mother’s Day next month, I have a simple question.

What do you think would happen if we treated ourselves like our own moms treat us, or better yet, how might we treat ourselves differently, if it were more like how we treat own children?

If we did, I think we’d probably all live more joyful, stress-free and purposeful lives.

Think about it, the most nurturing mothers not only love and accept their children, no matter what, they also always see their children’s value.

I’ve often laughed at my own mom for openly pointing out my strengths and boasting about my successes, big or small. I’ve shrugged off her words with thoughts like, “of course you’d say that mom – that’s because I’m your daughter.”

But then I remember an important fact.

My mom has been with me from the beginning. Like it or not, she knows me better than most people – the good, the greatest, the bad and the ugly.

Yet, she chooses to always make room for the best version of myself. And, quite frankly, if we could all do the same for ourselves, I think we’d all experience much more inner peace.

So, what can we learn from our moms, and how can we model their behavior to benefit ourselves?

How Does Your World Mirror You?

Most of us enjoy the connection we have to all of the things that are going well in our lives. And, why wouldn’t we? Our own responses and actions to the people, places and things we interact with, each and every day, deserve the utmost credit when it comes to our wins.

In the same vein, we are also deeply connected to all of things we don’t like. Yet, many of us would prefer to escape these sorts of accreditations, and replace them with blame. Blame of the people, places and things that cause us to react in the very ways we don’t like. In doing so, we simply remove our most powerful mirrors, which when noticed, reflect some of life’s most profound personal lessons.

To notice our reflections in all situations, whether we label them as ‘likes’ or ‘dislikes,’ we need to move past our own victimization and finger pointing in order to see the lessons. The lessons guide us with the most accurate compass for action. They teach us more about ourselves, as well as how we can personally impact change, by assuming accountability for what’s happening in our own worlds.

When we become personally responsible for what happens to us, we empower ourselves to make a unique impact within our own lives, and also with the world at large. So, where do we find ourselves in life’s mirrors, and how can we learn from their most valuable reflections?

Dear Company: Here’s Why I’m Burned-out & This Is What You Can Do About It

As a career and executive coach, I’ve spent hundreds of hours working with many clients who have dealt with, or are on the verge of burnout. I’ve also dealt with burnout myself, and I can speak firsthand about how draining, disappointing and frustrating it is.

It’s frustrating because more often than not, burned-out employees are enthusiastic about contributing their talents and value, and yet, they become completely drained and disappointed, when they realize that the work environment they support is not nearly as dedicated to them, as they are to it.

Burnout is typically addressed with a focus on what individuals can do to avoid it themselves. And, while these types of approaches are helpful, there’s still more to the burnout equation. So, let’s face the elephant in the room. A person’s ability to create healthy work habits, involves her/his company’s support.

This begs an important question – how can employers take more responsibility for providing healthy work environments? To assist with some answers, I’ve written a letter. It’s addressed to companies who could benefit from learning why their most valued employees may be on the verge of burnout.

If you think your company is ready to have an honest dialogue about what it will really take to minimize burnout and turnover, then feel free to adjust this for your own use. I double-dog dare you.

Nina CashmanJanuary 12, 2017#burnout, #paveyourway, #ExecutiveCoaching, #CareerTips, #careercoaching Comments

7 Reasons To Stop Cursing Work

Why is it that so many people in today’s world view hard work as the antitheses to success? In the eyes of many, it seems like unless you are off sailing the world, lying on a beach, playing tons of golf, and living a life of leisure, you might actually be failing. So, what’s the result of this type of thinking? And, better yet, how successful is it in, well, actually achieving success?

I often come across people on an ongoing quest to accumulate wealth, while limiting their involvement with actual work. Their ultimate goal is to live life to the fullest by avoiding too much responsibility that comes with the word. So, what happens next? Well, quite often, these same people end up calling a career and executive coach, like me, feeling “stuck.”