In the U.S., we spend nearly 20% of our Gross Domestic Product on healthcare. At the same time, our healthcare outcomes are worse than those of other developed countries. According to Integrative Health pioneer Andrew Weil, as of 2017, “the World Health Organization ranked the United States 37th in health outcomes” (Weil, 2017). Weil goes on to make a very interesting point –
“I would argue that we don’t have a healthcare system in America. We have a disease management system that’s functioning very imperfectly and getting worse by the day. The sad fact is that the diseases we are trying to manage are mostly diseases rooted in lifestyle choices. They have to do with how people are eating, their lack of physical activity, how they handle stress or don’t handle it. All these factors are really apart from looking at the physical body.”
In our Happiness Studies Master’s Program, we have learned about many different methodologies that support the principles of integrative medicine, which Dr. Weil sees as a solution to broaden our healthcare system and strengthen its outcomes. Before I give my thoughts on an integrative health system that could better serve individuals and society, let me briefly summarize the five basic principles of integrative healthcare identified by Dr. Weil himself: *
The improvement of human wellbeing happens when we effectively create healthy environments. So, let’s talk about the environment that impacts almost all of us, whether directly or indirectly– the work environment.
Every employment partnership is a two-way street – right? So, if employees are going to manage their wellbeing successfully, then their employers must foster a healthy work environment.
“So, what are organizations doing about it? Not enough, apparently. Fewer than one in four employees say their organization cares about their wellbeing – nearly half the number who said the same before the COVID-19 pandemic rocked the workplace” (Gallup & Workhuman, 2023, p.2).
I’ve decided to contribute to human wellbeing in the workplace by writing a letter. It’s addressed to employers who could benefit from learning why their most valued employees are on the verge of burnout. If you think your organization is ready to have an honest dialogue about what it will take to increase wellbeing and minimize burnout and turnover, feel free to adjust this for your own use. I double-dog dare you.
November 1st, 2023, marks the 9th anniversary of my coaching practice, Pave Your Way. While I was tempted this week to respond to my assignment of “describing a vision for a viable business” with a brilliant new business concept that could “make the world a better place,” a voice inside me tugged with these words – “appreciate where you are.”
“Studying the events of time – history – is as important as studying science, if not more important – it helps you understand what man is.” (John Little, 2021).
Of all the things I have learned so far in this master’s program on “Happiness Studies,” ranging from methods and techniques that develop physical and emotional wellness to rituals that strengthen mental and spiritual well-being, for me, two concepts underscore all of it: 1) growth mindset and 2) the permission to be human. Without these two fundamentals, it seems unlikely that any individual, government, leader, or society will “shape better policies and prescriptions for the future” (McMahon, 2018).
To feel accepted, you have to be willing to face the uncomfortable feelings of not being accepted.
Occasionally, as we go about our daily routines, out of nowhere, something small in our worlds comes into more precise focus.
A subtle yet illuminating insight is delivered. I’m unsure why this happens, nor could I describe the exact conditions that make up these experiences. All I know is that they seem connected to our ability to notice what we witness as we find ourselves in heightened states of observation. Ones that go beyond seeing what’s happening to observe our own experiences of what’s happening.
As Bruce D. Schneider, founder of iPEC (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching), puts it –
It's like “being a participant and observer… at the same time.”
Anyone who plays or follows the game of tennis knows that as sports go, it is one of the most mentally demanding. On a quiet court, just you and your opponent, with down time between each point, your thoughts are yours alone. No matter your skill, regardless of the power of your groundstrokes or softness of your hands at the net, no matter if your serve is on or your forehand is killing it that day, thoughts intrude. Your confidence, your mindset, your PRESENCE can make or break a match result.
In tennis - and in life - our thoughts, our attitude, ALWAYS sets the tone for success or failure.
Have you ever found yourself wondering how to embody forgiveness and compassion, while also respecting your own personal boundaries? Whenever we feel a boundary getting crossed, it’s not only normal, it’s completely reasonable to feel tension with our innate capacity to love, forgive and extend kindness. So, how do we reconcile our urge to live compassionately, while also honoring our values and respecting our boundaries? To answer this question, I think it’s worth exploring the meaning of the words– “boundary” and “compassion.”
Recently, it dawned on me how funny (and symbolic) it is that my last day on the job before jumping into the deep-end of starting my own business was HALLOWEEN! And, yes, I dressed-up... as a "Spice Girl" in fact, which meant I was the "Paprika" of our marketing team's McCormick spice rack ; ). Spiiiicy, I know!
Looking back on that day in 2014, I remember feeling like I was about to put on a new costume. Here I was, a 17-year veteran to the world of advertising and marketing, about to embark on the road of personal and professional development, AND entrepreneurship. I was about to start my own practice as an Executive Coach, and put on what felt like at first, a new costume.
That’s right, when I look back, I can clearly see that the parts of my life I was neglecting, could have actually helped me show-up less stressed and more at ease in the parts of my life that I was heavily pushing.
There’s something to be said about the concept of “well-roundedness.” Let’s just say that I’ve come to notice that when I expand my focus beyond a narrow fixation, all pressure and stress diminishes, allowing for a wider, more expansive perspective to come into my awareness. With this, comes a sense of peace and calm, as I playfully engage with a vast array of broader possibilities.
To illustrate this point, I love to use iPEC’s (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching) “Wheel Of Life.” Of course, what I’m about to describe is my own interpretation of this model.
Look, I know all of the expectations loaded into the phrase “wouldn’t it be nice,” sound, well… reeeeeeeally nice; but, what if I told you that our need for such pleasantries could actually be holding us back from greater possibilities?
What if on the other side of your need to control what’s “safe” is where real growth, creativity and tolerance begins? What if your expectations of how the world is “supposed to be” is actually overlooking the REALITY of “what it actually is”? We can easily label our existence dualistically – it has highs and lows, good and evil, pains and joys, and many ups and downs.
As I contemplate the new year ahead, there’s a word I’m suddenly finding disempowering, and it’s surprises even me! It’s the word that so many of us think of around this time of year, too – as one calendar closes and a new one opens. The word? GOAL.
I know, I know, I’m an Executive and Career Transition coach and I just admitted something seemingly sacrilegious within my field. Heck, I’ve written content on how to craft goals that draw us in with excitement and motivation. Yet, this year, the idea of pushing a list of goals into the world isn’t really inspiring me in any way, shape or form. If you’re like me, or many of my clients who’ve worked within a corporate setting, you too might find yourself having a visceral reaction to the word “GOAL.” Maybe you’re experiencing that funny feeling right now, at the mere mention of word! You know the one…
Over the past year, I've had the privilege to get invited to a few great podcasts -- "Live Blissed Out" (hosted by Marisa Huston) "Uncover The Human," (hosted by Cristina Amigoni and Alex Cullimore) "Right Place, Right Now," (hosted by Brandon Johnson and Travis Fields) and a podcast I did back in 2016 with "Profit Boss" (hosted Hilary Hendershott) was republished. So, if you're looking for good audio content for your next long drive or walk, I've added links below to each of these episodes.
As I’ve seen with so many of my courageous clients, friends and family members, transformation almost always happens when we do our best to neutrally grasp what’s happening, while also taking full ownership to accept our own emotions, even the painful ones.
So, for what it’s worth, below is a list of some of my most painful emotions, released out of the proverbial bag. I’m going to acknowledge them first, and then seek guidance from their intelligence, rather than continue to allow them to hold me back. There’s always a solution on the other side of our problems – challenges and possibilities exist on two sides of the exact same coin.
So, what are we to do when our daily status-quo becomes unbearable, and at the same time, we have no clue what else to do?
Here’s a new analogy for you – enter the “runway,” which I think, offers a solid visual depiction to the answer. When I visualize a runway, I think of a long stretch of road that prepares us for flight (or landing). Along this path are visual markers and air traffic controllers, who guide us in the right direction; at least, if we choose to pay attention.
On a runway, we don’t take-off or land immediately, we move – either slowly or speedily. It’s not a place to sit completely still, nor is it designed for us to take-off abruptly. A runway is simply a space to experiment with movement, gain a sense of direction, and build momentum, as we prepare for take-off.
Here’s my question – since when did the existence of problems become… well… such a problem?
Sometimes we humans really do feel drained by our circumstances, and pretending this isn’t the case is often the root of much bigger problems.
Sometimes we do experience difficulties, and when we refuse to acknowledge them, they just get heavier and more burdensome.
It seems to me that only when we face our perceived problems, we give ourselves the chance to get the most wildly creative. And, if we could just allow problems to exist without ignoring, avoiding, or judging them, then perhaps they’d become less perpetuating, and more opportunistic.
I see so many people out there making ridiculous assumptions and spreading misinformation about what’s needed to successfully make a career or life transition. Today, I’d like to take a moment to clear-up some of the biggest myths and misunderstandings that swirl around out there.
“What do I want to be when I grow up?”
Has this question come back to haunt you lately?
It sure haunted me about seven years ago, when I decided to pivot from my longtime career in marketing and advertising to becoming a dedicated mom, and founder of my own coaching practice.
If you’re like me, or most people who are contemplating a career or life transition, chances are you’ve given this question, and others like it, a bit of thought; but, you probably haven’t paused for long, because everything else in your world is commanding your attention – your work, your family, your friends, your school, your email accounts, the latest news headlines, social media posts… ALL OF THAT NOISE that surrounds all of us!
So, how do we typically manage all of this?
Yet, all the while, despite my directionless drift, confusion and daily grasping, something inside of me kept nagging with the message – “there’s more for you.” And, amidst so many other life priorities and to-do lists, the mere thought of creating new possibilities for myself just felt too overwhelming.
So, I chose to bury the idea of trying anything new, in exchange for playing it safe. It just felt plain easier to deal with the devil I knew, than to confront the one I didn’t know. Besides, I had gotten pretty darn good at running myself ragged, and barely staying afloat ; ). I was a "survivor."
Then, something major happened in my life, and it changed everything. Our first son was born.
A few years ago, I took a big leap. I left a field that I knew for my entire career. It brought me many successes, and my future was looking bright. Yet, something was missing for me, and I was ready to take a chance and branch out on my own.
I felt like I was starting over – I was facing a vast unknown that could either succeed or completely fail. Since then, I’ve experienced quite the roller coaster ride. There have been some incredibly exciting highs and plenty of tiring lows.
Regardless of the ups or downs, I’ve continued to stick with a master plan, which is to consistently plug away at mastering my craft. And, you know what I’ve come to learn? The concept of trust isn’t just important when we take that initial leap of faith. That’s just the starting point.
Trust becomes even more important after the adrenaline, excitement, and hype of our first big decisions wear down. Trust is the only thing that keeps us connected with whatever is possible; especially, when we confront challenges, lulls or situations that just don’t quite pan out as we expected.
In a proverbial sense, trust creates a vast invisible web of opportunities. And, when we remember to honor it, we loosen our grip from what “has to” happen, and exchange it for possibilities that we could have never dreamed of on our own.
In the time it took me to jump off a giant career cliff and build a steady, successful coaching business, I’ve learned a thing or two. The overarching theme of it all boils down to giving the world some damn space to deliver what we want.
So, here’s where we can start:
Are you impatient? Chances are, if you’ve got the slightest twitch of ambition, you are at least, just a little impatient. When we strive for success in any sort of endeavor, most of us wish our results would come sooner, rather than later. So, it seems like impatience is a perfectly normal, or perhaps even expected mode of operation. Right?
When, if ever, have most of us stopped to wonder what impatience is really costing us? And, by “cost,” I don’t just mean the endless dollars we’ve thrown at “systems” that promise to “get us there faster.” I’m also referring to the amount of effort we put into to trying to skip our natural growth procession, in order to get to the top of a proverbial mountain with as little effort as possible. This only causes us to miss-out on the most important experience of all – the climb.
As 2020 begins to move into its final stretch (insert cheers and jumps for joy here), many of us are contemplating what’s next (insert deep breaths, a big gulp and nail biting here). What could 2021 look like for us? Perhaps some big ideas involving personal transformation, or professional shifts, are on our horizons.
As for me, I’m anticipating the launch of my new online coaching program, the Pave Challenge, and this comes with a mixture of everything from internal cheers, to big gulps and nail biting – all at the same time : ). If you’re like me and you’re considering big shift in your personal or professional life, then you might be contemplating, “what if I actually take those steps towards making things happen?” And, just as our ideas begin to present themselves as possible realities, something else may happen, too. Our stomachs might suddenly start to drop from nervousness and fear. At this point, we could find ourselves abandoning our ideas altogether, only to store them in that mental compartment called “wishful thinking.” And, if we’re honest with ourselves, this wouldn’t be the first time. The outcome? Fear wins.
A little over a year ago, I was hiking my favorite trail in the mountains with our two young boys and our great family friends in one of Colorado’s national forests – it had literally burned to the ground the year before. I remember how awe-struck I was by the burnt landscape’s polarizing beauty. The bright bold colors of scattered wildflowers burst like fireworks amidst their charcoal black surroundings. Even more stunning than the scenery itself was the site of our four small children, laughing and playing amidst the charred trees – the makeup of an inaccessible space, only one year prior.
As I snapped a photo, which is now the header image to this article, I couldn’t help but notice its poetic symbolism. The word “regeneration” instantly came to my mind, as I looked down to view the visual – “hmm” I thought, “isn’t this one of life’s simple truths?”
We’ve all heard it before – “follow your passion,” and “your values will guide you towards your purpose.” This guidance works really well when life’s circumstances are optimal, or at minimum, functional. You know, the times in life when our outlook is constructive, our actions feel effortless, and most things are humming along pretty easily. These are the ideal times in life when we feel the strongest, most capable and creative – when finding areas of passion and connecting with values not only makes sense – it can be fun!
There are also those other times; you know the ones – the inevitable tougher times. These periods stimulate a more critical outlook, when our actions feel restrained or forced, and we generally feel less capable of connecting with ideals and possibilities. In fact, we may not even believe they exist. Most of us would rather pledge immunity to these times – we certainly aren’t broadcasting about them on our social media channels. Yet, all of us are familiar with the ups and downs of joy and pain, and we often ride these currents the most during periods of career or life transition.
I’ve noticed something really interesting over the last several months. It has to do with the energy, time and motivation I have for people who are appreciative. Now, while this may sound like an extremely obvious idea, which perhaps has taken me forty years too long to grasp, I’ve also noticed that many of us have a tendency to place far too much attention on people and activities that just don’t appreciate.
Note the duel meaning here; by appreciation, I’m talking about both an expression of recognition and gratitude, as well as an increase in value. As founder of the Happiness Studies Academy, former Harvard Professor in Positive Psychology and author of the book Happier, Tal Ben Shahar states, “when you appreciate the good, the good appreciates.”
So, what does it mean to “appreciate the good”? Is it as simple as passively taking note of the things that make us grateful, and perhaps even stating them out loud, and writing them down for ourselves? Or, could more be done in the form of appreciation? Is it possible that more of the finer things in life could appreciate, like love, deep friendships, rich conversation, success, wealth and overall life satisfaction, if we took more time to actively express our appreciation of others?
Since a young age, many of us have been taught the virtue of humility -- and by learning to maintain it, we’ve probably experienced a lot of benefits. For starters, when we keep a modest view of ourselves, we tend to be more open to learning from the world around us. To a large extent, any effective personal development system relies heavily on humility for honest self-reflection. Yet, so many of us tend to confuse humility with timidity, which seems altogether different.
While humility keeps us humble enough to grasp new life lessons and opportunities, timidity might cause us to hold back due to lack of confidence. In the New York Times bestselling book, The Book of Joy, written by Douglas Abrams, based on his interviews with his holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Archbishop Tutu clarifies the difference between humility and timidity, “Humility allows us to celebrate the gifts of others, but it does not mean you have to deny your own gifts or shrink from using them.”
Fake it ‘til you make it: an old adage, which, in my opinion, is incredibly overused and all too often misunderstood.
While the saying is described by Wikipedia as, “an aphorism which suggests that by imitating confidence, competence, and an optimistic mindset, a person can realize those qualities in their real life,” it seems as though the concept fails to fully consider one critical precursor, namely, the very question it begs: How is one supposed to genuinely acquire confidence, competence and an optimistic mindset in the first place?
I’m talking about authentic confidence -- competence and optimism that drives purposeful actions and meaning. This sort of authenticity is not easily replaced with disingenuous behavior. After all, what is so terrible about transparently accepting where we are with full ownership while working toward becoming something better? The more honest we are about ourselves and where we are developmentally, the more we stand to receive opportunities that will help us progress further from where we are.
So, fake it until you make it? Who needs it when we can, instead, work towards a mindset of just "make it, so you never have to fake it?" Here are a few pointers to help us do just that:
How many opportunities do we miss by skipping too quickly to an end goal, an outcome, or an instantaneous answer that gives us a momentary grasp of control but prohibits any experience from unfolding? Think about it. When did your haste of needing an answer before there were any answers block you from getting anywhere? Moreover, how could these impulses to skip over life’s processes to reach goals have prohibited your visions from unfolding?
In his powerful TED Talk, the great Conductor and Music Director of the Boston Philharmonic Youth Orchestra, Benjamin Zander, describes how to listen to Chopin by highlighting the piece’s “deceptive cadence,” as it teases the anticipated end note multiple times throughout the piece before finally hitting it, of course, at the very end.