See What Others See

Written By: Nina Cashman | April 27, 2026

“What do you do?”

When I started my practice twelve years ago, I used to answer this question broadly with answers like, “I’m an executive coach and trainer,” and while there’s no inaccuracy to this response, I’ve come to realize that “what I really do” has less to do with me and more to do with the incredible humans I serve.

As you can imagine, after more than a decade of coaching hundreds of leaders at various levels within all sorts of industries, training thousands of students in the art of professional coaching, and mentoring dozens of other coaches to make a memorable impact in their clients’ lives, I’ve discovered a common theme leading to real transformation, and it has to do with YOUR ABILITY to SEE WHAT OTHERS SEE.

Without exception, I’ve noticed that real, results-oriented growth that leads to big promotions, the launch of ideas, and career breakthroughs requires a high degree of self-awareness.

I know, I know, the concept of “self-awareness” is nothing new, but what does it actually mean anyway?

Is it as simple as being in touch with your thoughts and emotions? Does it boil down to your ability to self-regulate and reflect before taking action? From my experience, it’s even simpler than this, and at the same time, easier said than done. If you want to be a better leader, you’ve got to step outside of self-reflection, self-promotion, and obsessing over your own opinions and identity, and do something a little less comfortable.

You’ve got to step beyond your own perspective on yourself, the world, and the people in it, and learn to see the world through the lens of others.

Allow me to take you on a trip down memory lane when I first awakened to this concept in my own personal & professional development.

The year was 2013, and as a smitten mother of her 2nd son, I snapped a picture of my boy in the morning (see photo to the right), looking wide-eyed and a little pensive. The look cracked me up, and of course, thinking there were a few cuter humans than my own spawn, I posted the picture on social media with some sort of caption like —

“Big-eyed B-Vaughn, only mildly concerned about the day ahead.”

It didn’t take long for me to get a very memorable and helpful dose of “see what others see” from a former boss of mine from Tennessee. I only say that because I can picture his charming, gentlemanly southern accent saying it in his comment to my post —

“He’s a cutie, Nina. And that isn’t concern. That is the way we all used to look at you when you roared into the office each morning : ).”

I chuckled when I read his words… and then, almost at the same time… I cringed. As a director of marketing for a large organization at the time, my former boss’s words helped me see that my intensity was as strong in that moment as it had been early in my career. And guess what? For the first time ever, I began to recognize all the ways this was costing me — generating unnecessary stress at work for myself and those around me, and likely limiting the flow of ideas and progress.

The fact that someone I worked with could so easily capture the essence of my leadership in one piercing, unsettling sentence struck a nerve.

In that very moment, I vowed to start refining my edges as a professional — to slow down and listen to others, to stop and ask people questions about their ideas, and to invite myself and others to laugh and have fun in our work. For me, this essentially involved allowing more of the self I presented to family and friends into my work. Driven, yet relaxed — knowledgeable, yet curious — focused, yet open. Within 9 months of returning from maternity leave, I was promoted to a new leadership position. The ability to see what my former colleague experienced was a game-changer for me.

Today, I’m committed to helping others see what others see.

Why? Because great leaders understand that they are in service to a diverse set of identities — comprised of different backgrounds, cultures, and life experiences. So, if you really want to motivate and inspire those around you, then you’ve got to learn how to get comfortable with all sorts of people, ideas, and feedback that differ from your own.

You’ve got to appreciate how others are actually experiencing you, not just focus on who you are and what you stand for. This is your edge.

Look, there’s what you see in yourself, who you want to be, who you think you are, and even what you believe your intentions are. And THEN, there’s how others see and experience you, and there is SO MUCH to learn from that perspective. In fact, some would say, this is foundational to innovation and creativity.

I love the words of civil rights activist, Marian Wright Edelman —

“you cannot be what you cannot see.”

Your ability to close the gap between who you think you are and how others see you will determine the evolution of your leadership potential and change the game for YOU and everyone around you.

Yet, so many people get hyper-focused on the being part — “who I am” — without extending their capabilities into the seeing part — “who are the people around me.” And I cannot tell you how many times I’ve witnessed leaders of all sorts get overly locked into their own perspectives and identities, to the point of losing touch with their audience and depleting their influence. They get so attached to “who I am” and “how I see things” that it cripples their ability to connect with people from different backgrounds with unique perspectives. And this caps teamwork and innovative potential.

Make no mistake about it, your ability to see what others see is not about people-pleasing. It actually takes an enormous amount of self-confidence to do it, because it involves your ability to receive another person’s feedback without taking it personally or becoming dysregulated. It involves knowing what you think AND stand for something, while also hearing what others have to say with complete objectivity. When you are truly comfortable with your own perspectives, differing opinions from others won’t rattle you.

Your ability to see what others see is a golden opportunity to elevate your relatability in a world that requires it to stand out as a leader. It is a concept that is so important, and yet, so simple, it’s almost ridiculous. Yet, as with so many easy-to-comprehend concepts, it’s a little harder to put into practice. This is why I’ve made it my life’s mission to help others tune into what they aren’t already seeing in order to grow into the world-class leaders they know they can be.