Performance, output, results—we learn these are the pathways to success at an early age. Of course, we cannot help but notice the praise we receive when we achieve, not to mention the attention we gain when we are “best” at something. Our culture is obsessed with outputs, so much so that we overlook how they are achieved.
As any adult who’s worked in an organization can testify, there’s much more to driving success and building influence than what you do. Who you are “being” and how you choose to show up are significant factors in gaining followership and, ironically, driving lasting results.
My leader was setting the stage to prepare me for transcendence from “individual performance” to inviting “team contribution.” And let’s be honest; there’s more space for others to contribute when a leader is willing to turn the spotlight away from their own achievements and, instead, shine it for others to showcase their expertise, talents, intelligence, and accomplishments.
This is quite a mindset shift in many corporate environments with so much emphasis on “high performance.” As young professionals, heck, even kids, we are groomed to strive for our personal best. And yet, the focus on giving our best can often lead to a significant block in our leadership potential. Why? I think the answer can be found in a characteristic interwoven into the African philosophy of Ubuntu, known as: "Sahwira.”
In her book, The Awakened Woman, the inspiring Zimbabwean author and teacher Dr. Tererai Trent describes “Sahwira” as –
“Authentic in both receiving and giving. Give what is needed without being overbearing, and receive what you need without making it a duty to impress the giver” (Trent, 2017).
So, what, oh’ what are we to do with this age of Artificial Intelligence? Better yet, how do we preserve the growth of one’s mind and its capacity to think originally as humanity has become so willing to allow others to think for us? Emerson knew then what I am beginning to see now. I will do my best to encapsulate the spirit of his words to fit our times. After all, as Emerson notes, “Each age, it is found, must write its own books; or rather, each generation for the next succeeding. The books of an older period will not fit this” (Emerson, 1837).
So, here is what Emerson’s mid-nineteenth-century writings could inspire us to think about in this age of AI.
Isn’t it funny how we resist life’s flow when things don’t go our way? A relationship ends, a job is lost, or an unexpected change takes place, and what do most of us do? We resist our circumstances, of course! Fighting, pushing, avoiding, and shrinking, we refuse to accept anything that doesn’t match our firm expectations. So filled to the brim with judgments and expectations, we cannot see the nearby gifts blossoming in circumstances resisted. As highlighted in the video “The Art of Effortless Living (Taoist Documentary)”—
“The unity we seek is already there, but it is only revealed when we trust the world. Changing the world in the hope of discovering unity is like a knife trying to cut itself” (Jason Gregory, 2019).
Oh, but trust is much easier said than done. Especially when we experience hardships that contradict anything we could have expected. Herein, though, lies an empty space of possibility – when what “we want” clashes with what “we get.”
Back to the great Master’s work, the “Tao Te Ching,” Lao Lzu reminds us – “Gravity is the root of lightness; stillness, the ruler of movement.” These profound words are worth a read a few times over.
Call me an optimist or maybe even a realist, but I cannot bring myself to believe that half of our nation’s citizens are just plain stupid or wrong. I have too much faith in humankind. However, I admit many people will be unhappy with the final election results. So, I’ve decided to draw on the writings of the great French Philosopher and Mathematician Emilie Du Chatelet to inspire half of us to stay happy, regardless of the election’s outcome.
In her “Discourse on Happiness,” written in the mid-eighteenth century, Du Chatelet recommends several ways to increase our happiness. She goes so far as to say, “As long as we prefer to endure life, we must open ourselves to pleasure by all the doors leading to our soul; we have no other business” (Du Chatelet, 1746).
So, here are some simple ways to live a happy and fulfilling life, no matter the outcome of the presidential election:
So, accepting rather than resisting the normal human “messiness” we often face brings us one step closer to a phenomenon I like to refer to as “empowered powerlessness.” This is when we allow our old definitions and judgments of ourselves and the world around us to melt away, so we can create space to hear, see, and feel the infinite wisdom of the vast world around us. It is when we fully integrate the concept of “I do not know what I do not know” – and suddenly, wow, the world becomes a more interesting, magical place! I love how Wheatley reinforces this idea –
“The world becomes ever more fearsome as we realize the depths of our ignorance and confront our true powerlessness. Yet it is from this place, from an acknowledgment of our ignorance and lack of power, the call can go out for a new story” (Wheatley, 1998).
Earlier this week, I found myself thoroughly enjoying a solid hour of paper shredding. I know it is very Gen X of me to use paper for my handwritten notes. Still, there’s something very satisfying about letting go of the old piles in your life to make room for whatever is next.
“Just Be.” We hear it all the time. Feeling stressed? “Just be.” Anxious? “Just be.” Running around like a busy chicken with your head cut off? “Just be.” Overactive mind? “Easy, JUST BE!”
I want to take a moment and validate anyone who has ever felt slightly perplexed by the statement “just be.” Life involves doing… and for many of us, maybe depending on your stage of life, LOTS OF IT.
Dr. Kelly McGonigal of Stanford University has done some amazing studies on stress and how it impacts people who view it as harmful versus helpful.
Here’s what I’ve noticed. For some, it seems happiness isn’t enough – instead, words like “bliss,” “joy,” “manifestation,” or “infinite possibility” are preferred. I even recently heard someone refer to those choosing happiness as “living in a happiness fractal” ; )! As if the pursuit of one’s well-being is somehow inadequate? I must say, this statement made me laugh… quite happily!
How many opportunities do we miss by skipping too quickly to an end goal, an outcome, or an instantaneous answer that gives us a momentary grasp of control but prohibits any experience from unfolding? Think about it. When did your haste of needing an answer before there were any answers block you from getting anywhere? Moreover, how could these impulses to skip over life’s processes to reach goals have prohibited your visions from unfolding?
In his powerful TED Talk, the great Conductor and Music Director of the Boston Philharmonic Youth Orchestra, Benjamin Zander, describes how to listen to Chopin by highlighting the piece’s “deceptive cadence,” as it teases the anticipated end note multiple times throughout the piece before finally hitting it, of course, at the very end.
In the U.S., we spend nearly 20% of our Gross Domestic Product on healthcare. At the same time, our healthcare outcomes are worse than those of other developed countries. According to Integrative Health pioneer Andrew Weil, as of 2017, “the World Health Organization ranked the United States 37th in health outcomes” (Weil, 2017). Weil goes on to make a very interesting point –
“I would argue that we don’t have a healthcare system in America. We have a disease management system that’s functioning very imperfectly and getting worse by the day. The sad fact is that the diseases we are trying to manage are mostly diseases rooted in lifestyle choices. They have to do with how people are eating, their lack of physical activity, how they handle stress or don’t handle it. All these factors are really apart from looking at the physical body.”
In our Happiness Studies Master’s Program, we have learned about many different methodologies that support the principles of integrative medicine, which Dr. Weil sees as a solution to broaden our healthcare system and strengthen its outcomes. Before I give my thoughts on an integrative health system that could better serve individuals and society, let me briefly summarize the five basic principles of integrative healthcare identified by Dr. Weil himself: *
The improvement of human wellbeing happens when we effectively create healthy environments. So, let’s talk about the environment that impacts almost all of us, whether directly or indirectly– the work environment.
Every employment partnership is a two-way street – right? So, if employees are going to manage their wellbeing successfully, then their employers must foster a healthy work environment.
“So, what are organizations doing about it? Not enough, apparently. Fewer than one in four employees say their organization cares about their wellbeing – nearly half the number who said the same before the COVID-19 pandemic rocked the workplace” (Gallup & Workhuman, 2023, p.2).
I’ve decided to contribute to human wellbeing in the workplace by writing a letter. It’s addressed to employers who could benefit from learning why their most valued employees are on the verge of burnout. If you think your organization is ready to have an honest dialogue about what it will take to increase wellbeing and minimize burnout and turnover, feel free to adjust this for your own use. I double-dog dare you.
November 1st, 2023, marks the 9th anniversary of my coaching practice, Pave Your Way. While I was tempted this week to respond to my assignment of “describing a vision for a viable business” with a brilliant new business concept that could “make the world a better place,” a voice inside me tugged with these words – “appreciate where you are.”
“Studying the events of time – history – is as important as studying science, if not more important – it helps you understand what man is.” (John Little, 2021).
Of all the things I have learned so far in this master’s program on “Happiness Studies,” ranging from methods and techniques that develop physical and emotional wellness to rituals that strengthen mental and spiritual well-being, for me, two concepts underscore all of it: 1) growth mindset and 2) the permission to be human. Without these two fundamentals, it seems unlikely that any individual, government, leader, or society will “shape better policies and prescriptions for the future” (McMahon, 2018).
To feel accepted, you have to be willing to face the uncomfortable feelings of not being accepted.
Occasionally, as we go about our daily routines, out of nowhere, something small in our worlds comes into more precise focus.
A subtle yet illuminating insight is delivered. I’m unsure why this happens, nor could I describe the exact conditions that make up these experiences. All I know is that they seem connected to our ability to notice what we witness as we find ourselves in heightened states of observation. Ones that go beyond seeing what’s happening to observe our own experiences of what’s happening.
As Bruce D. Schneider, founder of iPEC (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching), puts it –
It's like “being a participant and observer… at the same time.”
Anyone who plays or follows the game of tennis knows that as sports go, it is one of the most mentally demanding. On a quiet court, just you and your opponent, with down time between each point, your thoughts are yours alone. No matter your skill, regardless of the power of your groundstrokes or softness of your hands at the net, no matter if your serve is on or your forehand is killing it that day, thoughts intrude. Your confidence, your mindset, your PRESENCE can make or break a match result.
In tennis - and in life - our thoughts, our attitude, ALWAYS sets the tone for success or failure.
Have you ever found yourself wondering how to embody forgiveness and compassion, while also respecting your own personal boundaries? Whenever we feel a boundary getting crossed, it’s not only normal, it’s completely reasonable to feel tension with our innate capacity to love, forgive and extend kindness. So, how do we reconcile our urge to live compassionately, while also honoring our values and respecting our boundaries? To answer this question, I think it’s worth exploring the meaning of the words– “boundary” and “compassion.”
Recently, it dawned on me how funny (and symbolic) it is that my last day on the job before jumping into the deep-end of starting my own business was HALLOWEEN! And, yes, I dressed-up... as a "Spice Girl" in fact, which meant I was the "Paprika" of our marketing team's McCormick spice rack ; ). Spiiiicy, I know!
Looking back on that day in 2014, I remember feeling like I was about to put on a new costume. Here I was, a 17-year veteran to the world of advertising and marketing, about to embark on the road of personal and professional development, AND entrepreneurship. I was about to start my own practice as an Executive Coach, and put on what felt like at first, a new costume.
That’s right, when I look back, I can clearly see that the parts of my life I was neglecting, could have actually helped me show-up less stressed and more at ease in the parts of my life that I was heavily pushing.
There’s something to be said about the concept of “well-roundedness.” Let’s just say that I’ve come to notice that when I expand my focus beyond a narrow fixation, all pressure and stress diminishes, allowing for a wider, more expansive perspective to come into my awareness. With this, comes a sense of peace and calm, as I playfully engage with a vast array of broader possibilities.
To illustrate this point, I love to use iPEC’s (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching) “Wheel Of Life.” Of course, what I’m about to describe is my own interpretation of this model.
Look, I know all of the expectations loaded into the phrase “wouldn’t it be nice,” sound, well… reeeeeeeally nice; but, what if I told you that our need for such pleasantries could actually be holding us back from greater possibilities?
What if on the other side of your need to control what’s “safe” is where real growth, creativity and tolerance begins? What if your expectations of how the world is “supposed to be” is actually overlooking the REALITY of “what it actually is”? We can easily label our existence dualistically – it has highs and lows, good and evil, pains and joys, and many ups and downs.
As I contemplate the new year ahead, there’s a word I’m suddenly finding disempowering, and it’s surprises even me! It’s the word that so many of us think of around this time of year, too – as one calendar closes and a new one opens. The word? GOAL.
I know, I know, I’m an Executive and Career Transition coach and I just admitted something seemingly sacrilegious within my field. Heck, I’ve written content on how to craft goals that draw us in with excitement and motivation. Yet, this year, the idea of pushing a list of goals into the world isn’t really inspiring me in any way, shape or form. If you’re like me, or many of my clients who’ve worked within a corporate setting, you too might find yourself having a visceral reaction to the word “GOAL.” Maybe you’re experiencing that funny feeling right now, at the mere mention of word! You know the one…
Over the past year, I've had the privilege to get invited to a few great podcasts -- "Live Blissed Out" (hosted by Marisa Huston) "Uncover The Human," (hosted by Cristina Amigoni and Alex Cullimore) "Right Place, Right Now," (hosted by Brandon Johnson and Travis Fields) and a podcast I did back in 2016 with "Profit Boss" (hosted Hilary Hendershott) was republished. So, if you're looking for good audio content for your next long drive or walk, I've added links below to each of these episodes.
As I’ve seen with so many of my courageous clients, friends and family members, transformation almost always happens when we do our best to neutrally grasp what’s happening, while also taking full ownership to accept our own emotions, even the painful ones.
So, for what it’s worth, below is a list of some of my most painful emotions, released out of the proverbial bag. I’m going to acknowledge them first, and then seek guidance from their intelligence, rather than continue to allow them to hold me back. There’s always a solution on the other side of our problems – challenges and possibilities exist on two sides of the exact same coin.
So, what are we to do when our daily status-quo becomes unbearable, and at the same time, we have no clue what else to do?
Here’s a new analogy for you – enter the “runway,” which I think, offers a solid visual depiction to the answer. When I visualize a runway, I think of a long stretch of road that prepares us for flight (or landing). Along this path are visual markers and air traffic controllers, who guide us in the right direction; at least, if we choose to pay attention.
On a runway, we don’t take-off or land immediately, we move – either slowly or speedily. It’s not a place to sit completely still, nor is it designed for us to take-off abruptly. A runway is simply a space to experiment with movement, gain a sense of direction, and build momentum, as we prepare for take-off.
Here’s my question – since when did the existence of problems become… well… such a problem?
Sometimes we humans really do feel drained by our circumstances, and pretending this isn’t the case is often the root of much bigger problems.
Sometimes we do experience difficulties, and when we refuse to acknowledge them, they just get heavier and more burdensome.
It seems to me that only when we face our perceived problems, we give ourselves the chance to get the most wildly creative. And, if we could just allow problems to exist without ignoring, avoiding, or judging them, then perhaps they’d become less perpetuating, and more opportunistic.
Many seem quick to point their finger at others’ lack of knowledge. Yet, aren't we all ignorant to some extent? How can one obtain full knowledge or information on everything? Isn’t there always more to learn, well, about anything? Whether we are trying to gather all the facts, understand different perspectives, cultures, preferences, or make sense of science and data, at what point will we ever really know it all? Better yet, wouldn’t that be the point when learning stops?